Words

I was just looking back and my last blog was from Jan!  Man, I really need to get on these things. 

Words-

I was reminded the other day of how words can impact people.  Not only the words themselves-but the way we SAY them-and WHEN we say them.  I once heard a quote-‘sometimes there just aren’t any words’…meaning sometimes there aren’t words to describe a situation or a feeling.   However more often or not, our words hold more meaning then we know.

I was subbing a while back at a Pre-K school-in Columbus.  I heard a phrase that was funny-yet caught the essence of what our words mean.  Two kids were fighting over a toy.  The kid who wanted the toy, wouldn’t say what he wanted, he just grunted, cried, pushed, pulled and finally went into a full fit!  When the teacher approached the situation, she simply pulled both kids aside and used a phrase, one that I think we all can take a lesson from.  She looked at the little boy who was having trouble asking for the toy and said, “Tell Jenny with your WORDS what you want”.   I heard this expression throughout the day several times.  “Use your WORDS”, “Tell her you didn’t like that, using your WORDS”, "Your WORDS just hurt his feelings, can you please tell him you are sorry"- etc.  

What is the lesson taught here?  Well outside the obvious-it’s not nice to hit and cry when you want something.  The lesson would be, people don’t know what you want unless you tell them.  People don’t know how you feel, unless you tell them.  And finally, always be aware of the impact your WORDS have on other people. 

This story and lesson flashed in my mind a couple of weeks ago.   I was having somewhat of a down day.  I don’t have many of these, but when I do, I seem to magnify them.  I was leaving work and thinking about something somone had said to me that day-it wasn't a very nice thing, although I don't think the met to say it the way they did.  Their WORDS, were easly taken out of context by me.  As I was walking out of the building, I rounded the corner only to find someone coming right toward me-he is a person I hold with high reguard at my work.  He was also the central part of my thought process at that exact moment in time.  As I was analzing what the other person earlier in the day had said to me-I was just thinking, what woud he think of this?  I looked up at him, and it was almost like he had read my mind.

He stoped-looked at me and simply smiled-and paid me a compliment, which totally blew the negative thought I was just having out of my mind.   Funny thing is, he had no clue of the day’s events that had me thinking negative-nor could he have known about them. 

Okay, so whats the point?  My point is, his unsolicited and completely random compliment and assurance, changed my total attitude for the day, but also for the bigger situation I was thinking about.  He had no clue his words would do so much!  Because he took the time to say what he had on his mind, it totally changed the dynamic of my thought process.  It would have been easy for him to go on about his day and just say hello. 

I have challanged myself to this, and I hope you might do the same- next time you are thinking something nice about someone, simply tell them.  Or if you are randomly thinking of someone, shoot them off a text, just to say hi and that you were thinking of them.  Smile at the stranger walking down the street (remember sometimes there are no words ;), be nice to the waitress or waiter at your table-tell your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend what they mean to you.   We get to choose how we will use our words.  Words and actions for that matter, are such a powerful tool we can use to make a difference in the lives of others.

Learning Life lessons-A real important one

Two of my favorite quotes of all time are:

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”

 - Ann Landers

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience”

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

These quotes have so much true meaning about life.  One I feel captures the essence of how we should treat people and the other reminds me the limits I have, are within my human mind. 

It’s funny how we can get into a routine of our busy lives and think we are treating people the right way, yet not really know the impact we are having on people.  Something happened to me over the Christmas Holiday while I was at home in Marietta.  Something helped me realize, that maybe I didn’t understand the meaning of fully treating people the correct way.  It was as if an internal switch had been turned and I had feelings involved that are hard to describe.

I came to the realization that although I try and I think I am treating people the right way, that maybe I wasn’t in the most pure sense.  An example of this would be, if I saw someone in need of help, say with a flat tire on the side of the road.  Of course I would pull over and help them, without question.  But was I really doing it to help the PERSON, or was I so programmed into helping because it was the right thing to do?  I know that might sound strange, and some might wonder what the difference is, or does it really matter?  After all I am helping someone/treating someone nice. 

I started to realize that I was doing things more for the reason of ‘it’s the right thing to do’, rather than feeling the empathy or passion for the person.  It’s like the person you see in the hall every day at work.  You know, the one who we say hello to and ask how the family is doing, or how they are doing.  But do we actually take the time to care and put meaning into those questions or are we just saying those things to be nice?  Now, I am not staying that making conversation in the hall with someone is wrong or fake.  I mean after all we are still being nice to the person.  I simply pointing out the fact that, if we aren’t careful with ‘being nice or helpful in passing’-it can start to diminish the true sense of caring for and about people.  It becomes a matter of kindness but with lost meaning.

Being around family during the Christmas holiday, I think God used that time to slow things down for me, to show me-just because I was treating people the ‘right way’,  didn’t necessarily  mean I was doing it within the spirit of true kindness and true helpfulness.  I had yet to discover that next level or love and kindness for others.  I found myself getting caught up in the routine of helping the SITIUATION, and not specifically the PERSON.    

 I have heard people say many times, “I didn’t know what it was like to love my spouse, until I loved them through Christ or until I found God’. “

I think God was teaching me this-how to not only ‘love through Him’, but also how to treat and truly understand people, with the true meaning of kindness and helpfulness, ‘through Him’.   It’s amazing once you start to learn this, how you see things in a much different light.  It appeared it was my time for God to take me to this next level of understanding.  And as it always seems to be, God’s timing was impeccable.

Here is how it kind of happened:

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year were two of the longest days that I have experienced, ever.  I wrote the following down, because I knew something different was going on with me, I knew something was changing in my life.  Here is what I wrote:

I had conversations today that took me back in time.

-memories today that brought every 'sense' and person to life. There were smells so vivid they took my soul back to an exact moment in time. I could 'taste' the past, 'feel' their presence, 'hear' their laughter, and 'see' why each one had been put in my life.

Today was one of the best days I have ever had. The depth of life I learned today, from watching, listening, and remembering took my understanding of life to a whole new level.

At the time I wrote this, I didn’t know exactly what change was going on.  I just knew that my understanding of people was totally different than I had experienced.  This was kind of a shock, as I felt I ‘knew’ people pretty well.  I thought I treated people pretty well.  And, overall I did.  I think the difference was, I was doing it at what I can best describe as ‘surface level’.  

This new understanding made me feel almost bad at first.  It’s like I hadn’t really taken the time to stop, to listen, and to understand people while they were communicating with me.  Now, if you are reading this and thinking, ‘man I knew it, I knew he was always blowing me off’, please don’t be offendedJ.    I wasn’t trying to ignore anyone’s feelings or disregard their thoughts.  I just didn’t understand what true unselfishness (for a lack of a better word), was. 

What I have found out over the past few weeks is; I truly did care about people and wanted to help people in any way that I could, I was just doing it at the only level I knew how at the time.  God hadn’t taught me this new part of life yet.  Maybe I wasn’t ready for some reason, or maybe its part of understanding Him better in my spiritual journey.  Whatever it may have been, I am starting to understand what the old adage was all about.  I am now learning to love and treat people ‘through Christ’.  Inside for me it’s no longer, ‘surface level’.   It was no longer about me, it’s about other people.  Again a concept I understood before this, and tried to live, but one I would come to find out, I really didn’t have a clue about the true meaning of.

The conversations I speak to above were ones with family I was having during Christmas Eve and Day.  Literally, it was like everything slowed down.  I was taking their words, thoughts, situations, feelings, and processing them totally different.   I always cared for what people had to say and would pay attention.   But now, what they were telling me was the only thing that mattered during the conversations.  I no longer wanted to talk (shocker I know), and not that I was a big ‘one upper’ or at least hope I wasn’t, I no longer cared to jump in and say, “I know what you mean, this one time I….”.  “I”, didn’t matter anymore.

The memories I speak of were of the past.  They were of past Christmas’s, but also past memories in general.  But they were literally so ‘slowed down’ that the vividness brought all my sense to life, they took me back in time.  I remembered specifically my Grandma Mary and her ‘buckeye’ candy she would make during the holidays.  I could taste, feel and smell her kitchen at that moment in time.  On Christmas day I was in a room when my aunt Garnet walked in.  I instantly felt my Uncle Dwayne’s presence.  It made me smile.  He was one of those people that could change the dynamic of a room as soon as he walked in.  And on that day, I feel he walked in with her, because his presence was overwhelming.  Throughout the day I heard his laughter as stories and jokes were being told,  many of which he told himself over the years.

My Grandma Cassady had always gotten me cherry flavored candy canes for Christmas.  I had accepted this year, was going to be the first year I wasn’t going to get them.  It was the first year without her during Christmas.  However when I went to visit my parents on Christmas Eve there they were, a couple boxes of cherry candy canes.  I never asked my mom if she bought them for me, knowing Grandma wouldn’t be this year or if she just ‘happened’ to buy them.  Either way I know they were from Grandma.  As soon as I saw the box, my soul went back to Christmas’s past with her.  This time though it was different.  I actually felt like I knew the ‘real’ meaning of Christmas and what family met, at least a deeper understanding than I did before.  She loved that time a year more than anyone I ever have known.   This time it wasn’t about getting my favorite candy- This time, in those memories, I felt more ‘there’ at her house, than when it actually happened all of those years ago.

I also went to Mass on Christmas Eve.  I don’t know why, but more than any other time I had been told the story of Christmas-I actually felt a deeper level of understanding of what Christmas was.  It was like a light came on and it all made sense, at a philosophical/soulful (if that is a word) level.   Maybe that was God’s parallel.  If I could start to understand the true magnitude of what happened on the real Christmas, then I could start to understand people and how they should be treated at a deeper level.  Whatever it was, I was glad I was now ready to learn this new part of my journey.

The second quote “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience” ties prefect into what I experienced.  I have learned that when I try and control something or stress about things, or think I have everything figured out when it comes to my purpose- those are all about me putting HUMAN limits on myself.  But as the quote says, I am merely a spiritual being, having a human experience.  So I am learning.  Why limit my mind and soul to those human limitations, when I can keep learning the things God has ready for me and is just waiting to show me.  Like how to truly love and treat others, not through the human limitations I know but through the spiritual love and kindness, which know no limits.